Most couples think of the wedding as the beginning. The vows are spoken, the rings are exchanged, and from that day forward the marriage is under construction. I understand the picture, but I think it is mistaken in a way that costs couples dearly. A strong marriage begins long before the wedding day. By the time two people stand at the altar, much of the foundation has already been poured, for good or for ill.
Scripture describes marriage as leaving and cleaving: leaving the household you came from and joining yourself to a new one. That process, too, begins before the wedding day.
The Foundation Is Poured Early
The foundation of a healthy marriage is not laid at the altar. It is built through intentional choices made long before: how a couple handles disagreement while they are dating, whether they keep healthy boundaries during engagement, whether they are honest with each other when honesty is costly, and whether they share a commitment to God’s design for love and covenant or are simply hoping their feelings will carry them.
Feelings are a wonderful part of love. They are a terrible foundation for it. Feelings rise and fall with sleep, stress, and circumstance. A covenant does not. The couples who endure are the ones who decided, before the wedding, that their relationship would rest on faith and commitment rather than on feelings alone.
The Pressures Nobody Warns You About
Dating, engagement, marriage, and family life each come with their own spiritual pressures, and most of them are subtle. The slow erosion of loyalty that begins with a small secret. The quiet decision to stop communicating about the things that matter most because it is easier not to. The refusal to forgive that hardens into a wall. None of these announces itself. Each of them can hollow out a relationship from the inside while everything looks fine from the outside.
I am convinced there is an unseen battle over every marriage, and that the enemy of our souls takes a special interest in the home. That is why loyalty, commitment, communication, and forgiveness are not just relationship skills. They are spiritual disciplines.
Who Should Be Paying Attention
If you are engaged or preparing for marriage, now is the time to build intentionally, not after the honeymoon. If you are newly married, the habits you set this year will shape the decades. If you are a parent or mentor guiding young couples, your example and your honest counsel may be the most important premarital preparation they ever receive. And if you are a pastor, a counselor, or a ministry leader, you already know how many couples arrive at the altar with a beautiful ceremony planned and no foundation underneath it.
A Story About the Fight for a Marriage
I wrote The Malgrave Letters About Couples, the third book in the Malgrave Letters series, to make those subtle pressures visible. Through Christian fiction, told from the tempter’s side of the correspondence, it explores how dating, engagement, marriage, and family relationships are attacked, and how loyalty, commitment, communication, forgiveness, and a foundation of faith hold them together. It is available on Amazon and at major bookstores. If you know a couple preparing for marriage, pass this message along to them.
The wedding is a day. The marriage is a life. Start building it now.
Get new articles by email
Subscribe and I will send you a short note whenever a new article is published on this site. No spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.